statistical jokes

Q: How many SAS programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It can't be done yet. ...

Old statisticians never die, they just undergo a transformation....

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting....

Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?
A: Check the p-value.

Q: How many statisticians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 1-3, alpha = .05...

The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation....

Q: Why don't statisticians like to model new clothes?
A: Lack of fit....

The only time a pie chart is appropriate is at a baker's convention....

The Lipton Company is big on statistics--especially t-tests....

According to recent surveys, 51% of the people are in the majority....

Q: How do you tell one bathroom full of statisticians from another?
A: Check the p-value....

Q: What do you call a statistician on drugs?
A: A high flyer....

According to a recent survey, 33 of the people say they participate in surveys....

Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization....

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard no...

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who took the Dale Carnegie course?
A: He improved his ...

Statisticians must stay away from children's toys because they regress so easily....

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who was thrown in jail?
A: He now has zero degrees of ...

80% of all statistics quoted to prove a point are made up on the spot....

Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justifie...

A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America m...

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializi...

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who invented a device to measure the weight of trees?
...

Some statisticians don't drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as ...

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: At the presen...

Q: How many military information officers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: At the pre...

There were a physicist, a circus strong man, and a statistician marooned on a desert island. A b...

OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:
...

In a biology class, the professor was discussing the
high glucose levels found in semen. A...

Biology Class In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in ...

OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:
<...

The Numbers of the Beast OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.But did you know...

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproduction, a...

Two different theories exist concerning the origin of children: the theory of sexual reproductio...

1. They speak only the Greek language.

2. They usually have long threatening names such a...

|1. They speak only the Greek language.2. They usually have long threatening names such as Bonferonn...

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the fuzzy language...

|A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make...

This stretches the bounds of what might be called "humor" per se, but it
is certainly ente...

A retiring Phys Chem professor was setting his last exam, for a graduate course in statistical t...

A little corporate humor----------------------I took some friends out to dinner last week, and I not...

A little corporate humor

----------------------

I took some friends out ...

General Motors Introduces New Instant-Win Airbags

Detroit--
With third-quarte...

Source: Colleague at Wash. Dept. of In...

DETROIT--With third-quarter salessluggish and its share of the domestic market down 11 percent s...