candybar joke comedian

People are always coming up to us after shows and asking how we became comedians. None of us has...

Q: What do you call a comedian in Afghanistan?

A: Larry the Kabul Guy....

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.-Mitch Hedberg...

My HMO is terrible. They charge me for a self-examination.It's a flat fee.-Wendy Liebman...

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin...

I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other ...

Having a dog is great, it's just the 'dog people' that freak me out. "Oh, look at her, she's preciou...

The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses fo...

The IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new...

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down....

What happened when the lion ate the comedian ? He felt funny !...

What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian? They had a feast of fun....

Who is the dogs favourite comedian ? Growlcho Marx !...

Did you know that Dracula wants to become a comedian? He's looking for a crypt writer....

(heard this joke on tv last night:)

When I told my family I wanted to be a comedia...

The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. ...

I once met a dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date butunfortun...

Have you ever seen Pop Idol? One point it was held at an esso gas station.This irishman came on to d...

Heard on one of those starving artist/comedian TV shows:

Just once, I would like t...

Paraphrased from a comedian on one of the Improv shows -

My wife really loves Prin...

Do you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not deja vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none o...

When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn't work that ...

I was in a good mood last week. I entered a competition and won a years supply of marmite.....one ja...

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my wife to go swimming!...

I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable chi...

Source: A local (Pittsburgh, PA) comedian.

Dick Thornburgh has resigned his positi...

Did you hear about the ghost comedian? He was booed off stage....

[ It's original. Would a real comedian take credit for this? ]

Recently, six memb...

I knew this guy. He was a sound guy from Ireland.He spoke to me one day and told me he was going to ...

It may be that our role on this planet is not to worship God, but to create him. Arthur C. Clarke Is...

This is from a comedian on A&E's "Evening at the Improv":

Have you ever tried ...

An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporari...

Heard on UK Channel 4's Clive Anderson Talks Back, told by Frank Carson,
an Irish comedia...

Which rabbit is a famous comedian? Bob Hop....

Apparently, in the London, Ontario daily newspaper, the city was
advertising job offers f...

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke routine when a huge, drunk polack confronted h...

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke routine when a huge, drunk p...

Heard this on one the radio this morning by some stand-up English comedian ...

"I'l...

A ventriloquist had just finished his polack joke routine when a huge, drunk polack confronted h...

eariler this week i went to the guy who inveted the hokey pokey's funeral. It was a weird funeral. F...

Candy Bar LifeIt was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing be...

First...this is true. Entirely. Saw it in the newspapers and heard it from
comedian Mar...

Candy Bar Life



It was just another day and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. ...

I believe I read this one in a new book by Larry King, Tell Me More.
I think it came from...

|Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?A: He felt funny!Q: What's striped and bouncy?A: A ...

|Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?A: Because you can't bury them in trees!Q: Why did the poor...

Are you a Redneck? This is by Comedian Jeff Foxworthy, excerpted from
his book "You Might...

Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?

A: ...

Q: What is the difference between the Dresden bombing and Germany's best comedian?

A: ...

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?

A. Noah; he was floating his stock whi...