Progressive Motherhood - General / Unsorted jokes (62533)





 


Yes, motherhood changes everything. But motherhood also changes with

each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child

differs from having your first:



Your Clothes


First baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN

confirms your pregnancy.


Second baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.


Third baby: Your maternity clothes *are* your regular clothes.



The Baby's Name


First baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and

writing combinations of all your favorites.


Second baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,

right? It might as well be you.


Third baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your

finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!



Preparing for the Birth


First baby: You practice your breathing religiously.


Second baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last

time, breathing didn't do a thing.


Third baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.



The Layette


First baby: You prewash your newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them,

and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.


Second baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and

discard only the ones with the darkest stains.


Third baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?



Worries


First baby: At the first sign of distress - a whimper, a frown - you

pick up the baby.


Second baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your

firstborn.


Third baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical

swing.



Activities


First baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and

Baby Story Hour.


Second baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.


Third baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.



Going Out


First baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call

home five times.


Second baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a

number where you can be reached.


Third baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she

sees blood.



At Home


First baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.


Second baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older

child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.


Third baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the

children.