pound jokes

A doctor notices a sidewalk stand that says 'brains for sale.' He goes over to investigate and...

A man is passing a butcher's shop and sees a sign: "Special Offer - Brains"


...

I Wish I had a Pound

Oh I wish I had a pound of cesium.
Oh I wish I had a pound of ces...

Did you hear about the 80-pound guy with the 40-pound testicles? People say he was half-nuts!...

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transpl...

A woman diagnosed as having a brain tumor was told by her doctor that she would need the transplant ...

A Jew was walking on Regent Street in London and stopped in to a posh gourmet food shop. An impr...

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, when I...

My grand-daddy worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a young fella, and he used to tell me, wh...

A cannibal entered the meat market to buy something nice for dinner. The owner greeted him and t...

Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man? She wanted a big wedding....

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The b...

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big du...

A small guy goes into an elevator, looks up and notices a huge dude standing next to him. The big du...

One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it....

A woman who was diagnosed as being terminally ill was told she needed a brain transplant using a...

Once in a medieval times, there was a King who was getting sort of bored after dinner onenight. He d...

It was John The Milkman's birthday. Being a friendly sort of chap, he knew most of his customers...

Three cowboys of the world are sitting around camp talking about how tough they were and the t...

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a barone evening and said to the bartender "G...

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar oneevening and said to the bartender "G...

Q: What would you call a cat that likes to dig on the beach?

A: Sandy Claws.

What do you call a 300 pound woman in Minnesota?Anorexic...

A junkyard owner went to the pound to get a dog to keep the (ethnics) from stealing all his hubc...

A junkyard owner went to the pound to get a dog to keep the (ethnics) from stealing all his hubc...

Mike Mooney A Yankee was driving through the south when he decided he wanted to buy a pig. He st...

Yo mommas so ugly yo dad had to pick her up from the pound last night coz they thought she was a...

A drink you buy at the convenience store to go with
a half pound bag of peanut M&M's...

I like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog. Then
I tell them to...

1. Weigh yourself
fully clothed after dinner and again the next morning without c...

What do you get if you cross a bee with a quarter of a pound of ground beef? A humburger....

The recipe said to cook for 1/2 hour per pound, and she weighed 125....

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog asleep on your bed? Sleep on the sofa....

"I caught a twenty pound salmon last week." "Were there any witnesses?" "There sure were....

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound dog in your kitchen? Eat out....

Spell "pound" in two letters. Lb....

A: Who can tell. FSE's are always in the dark. A': 2. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it i...

Did you here about the ten foot tall 390 pound Aggie football player?

He was killed...

Did you hear about
the guy who had tried every diet in the world in an attempt to...

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first ...

Q: How many field service engineers does it take to replace a dead light bulb?
A: 2. One t...

What's six inches long and guaranteed to give British Jewish women pleasure?


A ...

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?A: It said cook it for half an hour p...

One of the life's mysteries is how a two-poundbox of candy can make a woman gain five pounds....

A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125....

One of the life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds....

One day a teen goes up to his dad and says
Dad guess What...
His dad says what..
The te...

Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of...

What do you give a nine-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday? I don't know, but you'd better...

A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she not...