orchestra jokes

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a ...

May I speak to the conductorA musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and i...

|Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of...

He was a mediocre conductor of a mediocre orchestra. He had been having problems with the basses...

Q: Why are conductors' hearts popular for transplants?
A: They've had little use....

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the...

The Boston Symphony Orchestra was performing Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. In the piece, there's a...

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
A: So the violists don't need to...

Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up fro...

Q: How many conductors does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. [Indignant nose upturn...

What do you call a mammoth who conducts an orchestra? Tuskanini....

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long? A: So the violists don't need to b...

How careers end...

Drunks are distilled.

Alpine climbers are dismounted.

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet? A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a to...

Did you hear about the vampire who joined an orchestra? He stood on the roof and conducted lig...

|While at a concert being performed by a very bad orchestra, George Bernard Shaw was asked what he'd...

|Q: What is the difference between a cello and a coffin?A: The coffin has the corpse on the inside.Q...

|When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical o...

When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptica...

General Heath, a famous lover of parade music and marching drill ceremonies, once listened to a ...

A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead. T...

|A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.The musi...

When a young hot-shot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptic...

|A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked wi...

A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked...

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what ...

|Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what lif...

Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what ...

|August, 1998, Montevideo, UruguayPaolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Urug...

|Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony.However, it being quite h...

"Hey, this is a nude beach. I ain`t getting in that cold water!" -- Shrinkaphobia

"...

·There would be 10 times as many people in the ship

·There would be a song with Kate ...

Interviewer: Sir Thomas, have you ever conducted Schoenberg?

Sir Thomas Beecham: No, b...

The world's best and most famous conductor makes a small mistake
while conducting the New ...

|How careers end... Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far ...

• You decide to show the boss YOUR version of a "golden parachute."

These are stories and test q...

These are stories and test questions accumulated by music teachers in the state of Missouri:

{I heard this years ago - have no idea where it first came from}

The choir directo...

Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Author u...

Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University
of Pennsylvania. ...

|Q: What is a chord?A: Three violists playing in unison.Q: What is the best recording of the Walton ...

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
potential-acquaintan...

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-abu...

he Twelve Politically-Correct Days of Christmas On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed m...

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.... SANTA CRUZ STYLE...On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed m...

THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS.... SANTA CRUZ STYLE...



On the 12th day of...

This was sent to me by a friend.

********The 12 Days, Deconstructed***************...

How do musicians do it ...

Altos are sandwiched between sopranos and tenors.
...

|On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my Significant Other in a consen...