aviation jokes

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Seen in "Trade-a-Plane," the biggest aviation "for sale" newspaper in the US:

1978...

A young and foolish pilot wanted to sound cool on the aviation frequencies. This was his firs...

All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. Du...

|All of these pilot and aviation jokes get me to thinking about my first skydiving instructor. Durin...

I'm from the FAA and I'm here to help you.
Me? I've never busted minimums.
We will b...

|It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength ...

It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the streng...

Santa Claus, like all pilots, gets regular visits from the Federal Aviation Administration, and ...

How many pilots does it take to change a light bulb? None, it is done by the automatic pilot....

What`s the difference between a condom and a cockpit?


You can only fit on...

|I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.I said "Hi Jack."He shot me....

How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engines and the co-pilot s...

How does the captain know the aircraft is safely at the ramp? Both the engines and the co-pilot s...

I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said "Hi Jack." He shot me....

Q*Why do elephants have big ears*

A*Because Noddy won't pay the ransom!*...

Tower: Shamu two-two, please state estimated time of arrival. Pilot: Ok, let's see..., I think...

Tower: What's your heigth and position? Pilot: Well, I'm 6 foot tall and I'm sitting front left....

A man telephoned an airline office in New York and asked, "How long does it take to fly to Bosto...

Tower: Lufthansa 893, you're number one, check for workers on the taxiway. Pilot: Roger ..... ...

"Flight 1234, are you ready to copy holding instructions?" "Center, make that request on the ne...

Tower: Cannot read you, say again! Pilot: Again!...

Another flight Attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remai...

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola on one of those computer planes." I asked ...

|The most dangerous organization in America today is:a) The KKKb) The American Nazi Partyc) The Delt...

The jet plane started to rattle. Quickly, the pilot turned northward. As soon as they crossed th...

Stewardess" "Yes, Sir?" "I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the sa...

It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like...

Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago ? Pilot: Nega...

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy to train Iraqi fighter pilots?

A. You only h...

ATC: "Cessna G-ABCD What are your intentions? " Cessna: "To get my Commercial Pilots Licence a...

Once as Laloo was coming out of airport, there was huge rush and the security guard told him, "W...

Part of a Flight Attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with...

From a Southwest Airlines employee: "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are o...

LH741: Tower, give me a rough time check Tower: It's Thursday, Sir....

"I've never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely...

This from Air & Space/Smithsonian magazine:

The three-letter airport identifie...

From the pilot during his welcome message: "We are pleased to have some of the best flight atten...

"Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place t...

As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noti...

Two men are flying in a captive balloon. The wind is ugly and they come away from their course a...

"Flight 1234, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees.." "But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, ...

A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Po...

An airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just ...

Pilot says: "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the sea...

A friend of mine, while waiting for his airplane, saw a pilot walk
by carrying his bag. ...

Tower: Mission triple-three, do you have problems? Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass. To...

What is ideal Flight Deck complement for a modern airliner? A Captain, a Co-pilot and a dog. ...

|A small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Poland....

A man walks up to the counter at the airport. "Can I help you?" asks the agent. "I want a rou...