thoughts jokes

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if...

|Thoughts and stories from on the jobMy boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary....

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Why is it called tourist season if we...

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change....

|The advice your son rejected is now being given by him to your grandson.---------------------------...

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?



Why is ...

Q: What thoughts do Blondes have after reading these jokes? A: None, as usual... and they most ...

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Stupidity got us into this mess. Why can't it get ...

What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?

Why do they sterilize the needles f...

Why is it so hard to remember how to spell MNEMONIC?

If someone invented instant water, ...

Why is there an expiration date on SOUR cream?

If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law,...

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does "cleave" m...

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet pain...

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Why are there 5 syllables in ...

If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

If there is no God, who pops...

When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to...

When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

I...

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

The pen is mightier than the swo...

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

What's another word for thesaurus?

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

What's another word for thesaurus?

Why is there only ONE Monopolies Commission?

Why does one get in trouble for WRECKless d...

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world ...

Who is General failure and why is he reading my disk ?

The light went out, but where to ...

When sign makers go on strike, is anything written on their signs?

When you open a bag o...

I offered a blonde a penny for her thoughts.... she gave me change!...

In every work of genius we recognize our rejected thoughts....

I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are ove...

How can there be self-help "groups"?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go wi...

If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?

Why call it "take" a dump, when you leav...

Everyone has a photographic memory. But some folks don't have film.

When everything's co...

The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.

Two wrongs are onl...

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Support bacteria - they're the only c...

Growing old is mandatory, but growing up is optional.

I do whatever my Rice Krispies tell...

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

I intend to live foreve...

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be ca...

Why do we send cargo by ship, and shipments by car?

Why call it a building if it's alrea...

So what's the speed of dark?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

I...

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

Boycott shampoo! Demand ...

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What do you do when you see an endangered animal...

I couldn't repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you ...

Toast always lands butter-side down.

And cats always land on their feet.
<...

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why do ...

Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?

Why do 'tug'boats push their barges? <...

If nothing sticks to Teflon, how do they stick Teflon on the pan?

How do they get a deer...

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage sit...

Does 'virgin wool' come from sheep the shepherd hasn't caught yet?

If the front of your ...

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes froze the end of my nose.

The early bird g...

Q: How many young macrobiotics does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They all sit i...

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who dri...