situations

In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"

Taking your wife on a cruise...

A guy calls the hospital. He says, "You gotta send help! My wife's goinginto labor!"The nurse says, ...

This guy's in the rear of a full elevator and he shouts, "Ballroomplease." A lady standing in front ...

First man: How'd you get that black eye?Second man: I called some woman a two-bit whore.First man: S...

Son : Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.Mum ...

Do hamburgers make good vampires? No, because they always find themselves in ghoulash situations!...

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?...

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?...

This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water."That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the...

The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when apoliceman ran up to help. "My mother-in-la...

Two guys are in a locker room when one guy notices the other guy has acork in his ass. He says...

There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer.Up walks a so called "lady of the night". Shesays, "F...

"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar outwhile you are in my store!""I bought this...

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

"Mom, I'm pregnant.""How can that be? What did I tell you about sex?""That I should take measures. ...

"Dad, can i ask you something?" "Sure! What about?" "You see, I'm already fourteen and...I t...

A guy says to a salesgirl, "I want to buy some toilet paper."She says, "What color?"He says, "Just g...

How do you know when the barmaid is really pissed off?When you find a string in your bloody mary....

The doctor comes out of the delivery room and says to the father, "I'm sorry to have to tell you thi...

A man let out a humongous burp. Nearby, a man loudly says,"How dare you burp before my wife!" The bu...

Man in a pub, "If you went camping and woke up in the morning with abloody condom hanging out of you...

Joe is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Joe, not being too shy, go...

A nosey neighbour remonstrated with the woman in the adjoining apartment."Mrs Smith, do you think it...

Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.Guest: I'll make my own bed.I...

When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, severalbystanders ran over to help t...

A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minut...

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are draggingtheir right foot as the walk. As ...

You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.

In tough situations you ...

A guy's on the electric chair. The warden's just about to pull the switchwhen the guy gets the hiccu...

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time and she shows him into theliving room. She excuses h...

Several short geology plays on words

Okay, if you are a real geologist, you probably enjo...

A woman went to the bar with a black eye."How'd ya get that?" asked the bartender."From my husband,"...

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

How does the guy who dri...

A tipsy guy in a bar stood and made the following speech, "I am white from head to toe. I am rich an...

Upon returning to their car from a shopping tour, one of the young ladies realized that she had forg...

A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see afortune-teller's tent. Thinking it w...

Girl woke up in the morning after a party and found an Elephant in bedbeside her.She said "I must ha...

A divorced woman had been on her own for several months and wasstarting to get extremely horny. She ...

You might be a redneck if...
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Cu...

A man walks into a jewellers shop, unzips his trousers and placeshis tool upon the counter. The lady...

The Director of the Scottish Tartans Museum, Dr Michael MacDonaldwas in America. An old lady fixed h...

Two guys are out hunting deer. The first guy says, "Did you see that?" The second guy says, "No." "A...

A hunchback is running along a street being chased by a pack of children.He stops, turns around and ...

A man with a wooden eye was sitting at a bar one night.He glanced across the room and noticed a very...

What a rip-off. I went into our local bookstore and saw this huge display with a sign saying "Newl...

Two girls are sitting in a movie-theater. "That man beside me is fumbling his crotch", one whispers ...

Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheo...

In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver sawa woman alone in the mud trying to change ...

Two men were walking through the woods when a large bearwalked out into the clearing no more than 50...

"Miss Jones, we can't employ you as a model," the editor from themen's magazine explained. "It's too...