music jokes

What do you call an artist who broke up with his girlfriend?

Homeless...

Q: How do you know if there is a percussionist at the door?
A: The knocking gets slower....

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise....

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer....

Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos?
A: They make great anchors!...

Q: What is the difference between a violist and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers....

Q: Why is a violinist like a Scud missile?
A: Both are offensive and inaccurate....

Q: How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari-sax?
A: Add vibrato....

Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt....

Q: How do you get a cellist to play fortissimo?
A: Write 'pp, espressivo'....

Q: How can you tell when there is a drummer at your front door?
A: The knocking gets faster....

Q: What do you call a drummer who has just broken up with his girlfriend?
A: Homeless....

Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two flutes playing a unison....

Q: How is lightning like a violist's fingers?
A: Neither one strikes in the same place twice....

Q: What do you call two guitarists playing in unison?
A: Counterpoint....

Two priests were talking together and the older one said to the younger, "You know, when you cam...

Q: What's the definition of a minor second?
A: Two lead guitarists playing in unison....

Q: What's the only thing worse than a bagpiper?
A: Good question. We're still trying to find ...

Q: What do you say after you run an army officer over with a steam roller?
A: See flat major....

Q: What do you call a bass-clarinetist with half a brain?
A: Gifted....

Q: What is the definition of a major seventh?
A: A violist playing octaves....

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-bachs....

Q: What do you say to an army officer as you're about to run him or her over with a steam roller...

Q: What key is "Exploring The Cave With No Flashlight" written in?
A: C sharp or B flat....

Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major....

Q: Why are harps like elderly parents?
A: Both are unforgiving and hard to get into and out o...

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the oth...

Q: What do a viola and a lawsuit have in common?
A: Everyone is happy when the case is closed...

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
A: So you don't have to retrain the...

Q: Why are organists like a broken-winded cab horse?
A: They are always longing for another s...

Q: What do you call the folks who hang around the musicians at conservatories?
A: Violists....

Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?
A: So they can park in the handica...

Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?
A: So they don't disgrace thems...

Q: Why are orchestra intermissions only twenty minutes long?
A: So the violists don't need to...

Q: How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat?
A: Steal his batteries....

Q: What do you get when an army officer puts his nose to the grindstone?
A: A sharp major....

Q: Why does an oboist always have to fight for correct intonation?
A: Because most oboes are ...

|After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to ...

Jerry is hired to play his trumpet on the score of a movie, and he's excited. He's especially th...

|After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the police...

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go ...

After shopping in a mall, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go to the pol...

After shopping for most of the day, a couple returns to find their car has been stolen. They go ...

Early TV news (late 1940's - early 1950's) was highly experimental, broadcast "live," and plague...

What happens when you play Country music records backwards?You Sober up, your wife comes home and yo...

A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet....

You better C-sharp or you'll B-flat....

Q: How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he'll break ten bu...

Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick them up fro...

How to buy a stero1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Mul...