miscellaneous

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails? Doctor: No, throw them away like everybody else....

Did you hear?The Energizer bunny has been arrested for Battery....

Why did the Siamese twins move to England?So the other one could drive....

Ok there are two gay guys and two lesbians. They are on a race to LA.Which of the two will get there...

What's invisible & smells like carrots?Bunny Farts!...

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?A woman that won't do what she's told....

What do you call a woman outside the kitchen?Answer: A fugitive...

What does an army general kiss under at christmas? Missile toe...

How do you double the value of a Ford Pinto?Fill the gas tank!...

How do crazy people get through the forest?They take the psycho path....

A Chinese couple had a new baby. The nurse brings over a lovely, healthy, bouncy, black baby boy. "C...

A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary. The wife Said, "Darling, embrace me...

A man was praying to God. He said, "God!?" God responded, "Yes?" And the guy said, "Can I ask a ques...

Dave Barry on your husband's midlife crisis:If your husband is exhibiting signs of a midlife crisis,...

A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.The doctor asked the man, "Do you smo...

Grey Poupon and Dockers Pants:New company will be called - Poupon Pants.(my warped sense of humor lo...

The teacher was conducting a class in nutrition and asked the class to name four qualities of mohter...

The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.If at f...

Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn't touched his ...

How do you get a blond out of a tree? WaveHow do you drown a blond? Stick a scratch and sniff sticke...

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the au...

Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstickand a magician's wand?A: A Magician's wand...

A horse wanders into a bar and orders a tall one.The bartender says, "Hey fella, why the long face?"...

A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. She respon...

Q: What's a brunette's mating call?A: Has that blonde gone yet?A2: When is that blonde bitch going t...

Mavis: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mavis: Yes, she tr...

A man and a woman were in 2 different cars. The man was going up the mountainside. The woman was goi...

So this grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Hey! Your a grasshopper! We h...

What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on his wedding night?"Now I know why you called your company Mi...

A preacher was giving a sermon to a full church when all of a sudden the devil appeared. He was mena...

The water-proof towelGlow in the dark sunglassesSolar powered flashlightsSubmarine screen doorsA boo...

First, we want to apologize to our Polish friends, but rememberit's just a joke!Polands's Worst Air ...

A lady was in a hardware store looking at a fishing poles. She asked the store manager how much it w...

The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear he was in a big hurry...

HOW TO SAY "I LOVE YOU" IN 9 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES:English . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I Love youSpa...

Morris complained to his friend Irving, that love making with his wife was becoming routine and bori...

How to catch a polar bear:Go up north and find a frozen lake or pond. Cut a large hole in the ice. O...

At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, "N...

Rules To Live By...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change...

A man walks into a shoe store... ...and tries on a pair of shoes. "How do they feel?" asks the sal...

Two cannibals, a father and son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They ...

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, and looked at the old pages as he...

A man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.Shortly after he recovers from his an anesthetic, his s...

Once upon a time there was a female brain cell that by mistake happened to end up in a man's head. S...

"We have a terrible time making ends meet on Bob's income." his wife told her best friend."How do yo...

A soldier goes into the hospital for surgery after being wounded inbattle.Waking up from the anesthe...

A man came home drunk at four in the morning, and his wife was all over him, yelling at him, crying ...

A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter met...

You can have a woman president without electing her You can spell colour wrong and get away with it ...

Seems about a year ago (1998) some airplane manufacturer employees decided to steal a life raft from...