miscellaneous

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch mysel...

The car sped off the highway, went through the guardrail, rolled down a cliff, bounced off a tree an...

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt. 'Sit down and tell me how it h...

A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends...

For those of you about to become first-time fathers, you should know something that us old pros do: ...

What goes "errr, ohhh, errr, ohhh, errr, ohhh? A blonde at ablinking red light!...

Why is the White House called the White House?Answer: Sperm ain't purple!...

How many seconds are in a year? Answer: There are 12 seconds in a year. January 2nd, February 2nd, M...

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and...

Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal. Johnson: Montreal! "Nothi...

We have a tree in our yard, terribly bothered by blight.We sought professional help and had a tree s...

"I'm worried," said the woman to her sex therapist. "I happened to find my daughter and the little b...

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfu...

Mrs. Whembleton decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist, "Paint me with diamond ea...

Top 10 reasons computers must be male:1. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.2. A better ...

What's the definition of a perfect woman?a) Three feet tall with a round hole for a mouth and a flat...

There where two snakes talking.The 1st one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselve...

A New York lawyer sent gifts to many of his clients.The gifts were sleeves of golf balls, suitably i...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.The bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "Do you ha...

Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?" "Not ...

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they h...

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a genie.We...

To cut off a blonde's ears, put razor blades on each shoulder and ask the blond a question.Automatic...

A man came home from work one day to find his wife on the front porch with her bags packed. 'Just wh...

This little boy is visiting the zoo with his father. They stop to have a look at an elephant and the...

While making his rounds, a doctor points out an x-ray to a group of medical students. ?As you can se...

The five most constipated people in the Bible:1. Cain-who wasn't able.2. King Solomon-who sat on the...

Things That Sound Dirty In Law But Aren't...Have you looked through her briefs?He is one hard judge!...

Every once in a awhile, this couple would tell their 2 children, Scott (the older one) and Andrew th...

If ever you want to annoy someone who annoys you, just say this punchline to a friend as you're walk...

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did ...

Q: What is the last thing each Tickle Me Elmo doll receives before he leaves the factory? A: Two T...

Q. what do you get when a chicken cross the road falls in the dirt and then recrossesA. a dirty cro...

If Thinking Machines made toasters...You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at t...

There was a blonde whose house was on fire. She called the fire department and asked them to come pu...

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to school, she sat next to everybody!Yo mama's so fat, when she sits...

Tom : I found twenty cents on the sidewalk.Jim : That's mine. I dropped a twenty-cent coin there thi...

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat."Are you crazy" yelle...

My friend is so stupid: He sent me a fax with a stamp on it. He thought a quarterback was a refund. ...

Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Little Johnny's Father asked how much his...

There were three little babies sitting next to each other in shopping carts in the grocery store che...

Sally was a girl with no horsebackriding experience, yet one day she discided to take her chances. A...

It was July 4th and this guy was roasting a chicken on a rotisserie and had begun to hand-crank it t...

A man and his wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary at the same hotel in the same roo...

A woman feared that her husband was losing interest in her sexually. She went out and bought some ve...

THOR, the God of Love wakes up the morning after the orgy.As he sits up, stretches and looks around,...

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife st...

One day there was a little puppy dog laying beside one of the rails on a railroad track.He fell asle...

When God created the earth, Adam & Eve, he found he had two baubles left over. He came to Adam & Eve...

A woman realizes her son has not yet gotten out of bed for school.She goes into his bedroom and tell...