miscellaneous

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?A: Because every time the door opened, she jump...

Q: How did the Germans conquer Poland so fast?A: They marched in backwards and the Polish thought th...

Why are men endowed with a half ounce more brains than dogs?So they know not to embarrass themselves...

John looked up to see his mother-in-law walking toward the front door carrying a broom. "Tell me," h...

A woman tells her friend, "My husband is an angel."Her friend replies, "You're lucky, mine is still ...

Psychiatrist:1) Mind-sweeper.2) Someone who asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for not...

What's the difference between a womens track team and a tribe of pigmee's?The pigmee's are a bunch o...

I put a blank cassette tape in my tape stereo last night and turnedthe volume all the way up....the ...

Mother Mary held her daughter, 20 minutes under water.Not to save herself from troubles, but just to...

A blonde was playing Trivia Pursuit and was asked if she was in a vacuum and someone called out her ...

A man walks into a bar pulling a heavy chain. The bartender asksthe man what he could get him and wh...

A blonde, a redhead and a brunette all jump off a cliff. Which onehit the bottom first?Not the blond...

A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor. "Why?" asked the barber, "Is the...

Tombstone Epitaph:Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:Here liesJohnny YeastPardon ...

Tombstone Epitaph In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:Here lies an AtheistAll dressed upAnd no place t...

This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years agothat I lost my dear wife and...

"My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: 'Women are from V...

Q: Why are Bill Clinton, Monica Lewinksy, and O.J. Simpson such bad golfers.A: Monica is a hooker, O...

We have all heard of the ten commandments.Well recently a new eleventh commandment was made. Just fo...

Q: What does the Star Trek Enterprise and tiolet paper have in common?A: They both circle around ura...

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around andcome home?A: It took her that lo...

Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days?A: It said cook it for half an hour p...

Do you suppose that it occurs to the power company that they are making a double pun when they send ...

Q: Why did the Polish couple decide to have only 4 children?A: They'd read in the newspaper that one...

Did you hear about the Polish Admiral who wanted to be buried at seawhen he died?Five sailors died d...

A man was complaining to a friend:"I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a ...

I was sorry to hear that a friend of mine dropped out of med school. He really wanted to be a doctor...

As the doctor completed an examination of the patient, he said, "I can't find a cause for your compl...

Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with peop...

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins."How am I doing?" He asks."Thr...

Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you'll make your own bed.Guest: I'll make my own bed....

Hear about the guy who played a blank tape at full blast.The mime next door went nuts....

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, ?Olive or twist??...

Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed? He wanted to see what he looked ...

When I was young I used to pray for a bicycle. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I ...

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.A2:...

Q: How did the Polish mother teach her son which way to put his underwear on?A: Yellow in the front,...

You know you're a redneck if you have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Band...

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atillathe Hun, and a lawyer, and you h...

Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?Hubby: It's not my fault...I ran out of m...

Happiness is defined as opening your refrigerator to find your mother-in-law's picture on the milk c...

The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man's wife. "I don't like the looks of yo...

Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Never mind, you'll pass eventuall...

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did...

Patient to optometrist: I'm very worried about the outcome of this operation, doctor. What are the c...

What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?A prostitute can wash her crack and sel...

Little miss muffet... sat on her tuffet... eating her kurds and way.Along came a spider, who sat dow...

Do you know why Polish men, when they go to sleep, bring one glass full of water and one cup empty?I...

A Little Boy Comes Running Into The Room and Says, "Grandpa! Grandpa! Can You Make A Sound Like A Fr...

What is green, has four legs, and smells like Monica Lewinsky? Thepool table in the oval office!...