miscellaneous

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?A: Stick his bill up his ass!...

How do most men compare to Mel Gibson?They have everything he has, except for talent, money, and loo...

What's the difference between a bar and a clitoris?Most men have no trouble finding a bar....

Why are women so bad at mathematics?Because men keep telling them that this...|<--------------------...

What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common?Men always miss them!...

How are men like noodles?They're always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough....

Why do men resist becoming fathers?Because they aren't through yet being children....

How does an older woman keep her youth?By giving him money!...

Why do men name their penises?Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of thei...

"Okay," said the wife, "I'll admit I like to spend money, but it's the only extravagance I have!"...

Retirement means twice as much husband for half as much money....

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Psychiatrist: What!...who said that?...

You might be a redneck if... Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years....

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept....

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund....

What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? SWIMMING TRUNKS !!!...

What is the difference between 'like' and 'love'? Answer: spit and swallow!...

Why did the rabbit cross the road? Chicken's day off!...

Why was Tigger lickin' the toilet?Cause he was lookin' for Pooh!...

Your momma so stupid, when I told her it was chilly outside she ran out with a spoon!...

What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?Meals on Wheels!...

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman there to hearhim, is he still wrong?...

Your momma's so fat the only time she sees "90210" is when she's on a scale....

What did the gynocologist say to his wife when he got home?I'm Bushed!...

Sign seen in a bar:"Those drinking to forget please pay in advance."...

Q: How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ?? A: She through it out of the window !!...

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?"Decafinated"...

What was the pirate movie rated?ARRRRRRR...

Q. How many mimes does it take to screw in a light bulb?A. 2, the trick is getting them IN there....

Why can't dogs use computers?Because you can't stick your head out of Windows XP...

How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?...Three in front and three in back......

Your momma so fat when she wears high heels she strikes oil!...

Why do blondes where underwear?To keep their ankles warm....

If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? - Mistle toe, of course!...

Q. What does a sign on a whorehouse say in the middle of the day?A. Beat it - we're closed....

Have you driven a Ford lately?Yeh, that's why I drive a Chevy!...

Q. Why don't women blink during foreplay?A. It doesn't last long enough!...

What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?A good start!...

Q. What do you get when a cow gets stuck in an earthquake? A. A milk shake!...

What do you call a donkey with three legs?A wonkey!...

Yo' mama's so fat when she get's out of bed in New York she sets off the seismographs in California....

What's it called when a woman is paralyzed from the waist down?Marriage....

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?A stick....

What is a blonde's way of having safe sex?Locking the car doors!...

Q: Why don't Blondes use vibrators anymore?A: Because they keep chipping their teeth !!!...

When is the best time to fake an orgasm?When a rotteweiler is f**king your leg....

Safety Tip:Calculus and automobiles don't mix -- never drink and derive...

Yo Momma is so fat, she fell in the Grand Canyone and got stuck....

Q: What happens when a paranoid has low self-esteem?A: He thinks that nobody important is out to get...

Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon....