miscellaneous

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?A liquor cabinet....

Q. What did the snail say when he climbed onto the turtles back?A. WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch....

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?Well Hung....

Why did the baseball coach throw Cinderella off the team?Because she ran away from the ball....

Q: What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?A: They're both stuck up cunts!!...

Question: What's the biggest pencil in the World?Answer: Pennsylvania!...

Why is Chicago called the Windy City?Because the Bears blow!...

Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations?Are they afraid someone might clean them!...

What did the blonde say when she saw the YMCA sign??LOOK!!! They spelled MACY's wrong!!!!...

Q: Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.A: Because they travel in schools....

Q: What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?A: "They are both stuck-up cunts!"...

Why did the Packers tear up the end zone after a Vikings Game?There was too much "Moss" in it!...

What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos?The Scenic Root....

What the difference between a brunette and the trash? The trash gets taken out once a week!...

Be nice to your kids... they will pick out your nursing home someday!...

Another yamamma...Your mamma is so fat when god said let there be lighthe asked her to step out of t...

A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk, and the burnette goes, "Oh look, a dead bird," and the bl...

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand...

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out tha...

Q: Why didn't the monster make the football team?A: Because he threw like a ghoul!...

It's a bummer to be an egg because...1) You only get laid once. 2) You only get eaten once. 3) It ta...

Do you know what the height of hard upfullness is?Two old ladies in an asparagus patch doing knee be...

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?A: Because it says right on it "good...

Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn.A: Bambi, the White House grounds, and the new TV season....

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.He sidles up to the bar and announces:"I'm lo...

In Canada we have two Seasons...six months of winter and six monthsof poor snowmobiling....

What happens when a man tries to hide his baldness by combing hishair across his head?The truth come...

How can you tell if a man's playing around?He sends you love notes that are photocopied and begin wi...

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost...

Why do men snore?When they fall asleep, their balls cover their assholes and they vapor lock....

One of the reasons that fifty percent of marriages end in divorce is that those men who promised tha...

What is the difference between a vulture and your mother-in-law? Vultures wait until your dead to pi...

Outraged wife: Couldn't you think of anything better than coming home drunk like this?Husband: Yes, ...

Husband: Honey, has the mailman come yet?Wife: No, but he's panting and sweating pretty hard....

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so ma...

Did you hear about the two blood corpuscles named Romeo and Juliet?They loved in vein!...

Did you hear about the doctor who had his license taken away because he was having affairs with his ...

One Polish surgeon asks another: "How did that appendectomy go?""Appendectomy?" shrieks the other. "...

Bombeck's Rule of Medicine: Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died!...

John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat? Doctor: Cut your head off!...

What's the simiarity between Clinton and a carpenter?One screw in the wrong place and the whole cabi...

What do you call a pregnant Black woman? A dope carrier!...

With all due respect, President Clinton was telling the truth when he said he was not having sex wit...

Q: Bill & Hilary Clinton are on a sinking ship, who gets saved? A: The nation!...

Q: Why did God give women legs? A: So that they wouldn't leave tracks like snails!...

There was a brunette, a blonde, and a redhead and they were in the third grade. Who had the biggest ...

There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.He sent in ten different puns, in the hope t...

I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don't k...

90% of Fords are still on the road. The other 10% made it home! (you know, Fords - Fix or Repair Dai...