miscellaneous

Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other.One says to the other, "Are ...

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?Slap the bitch!...

You know you're a redneck when you lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it'...

What has eight arms and an I.Q. of 60?Four guys watching a football game....

How are daughter's boyfriends like cockroaches?They hang around the kitchen and it's hard to get rid...

What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?His wife is good at picking out clothes!...

What is a more macho man?At the critical moment when he can't get it up, he asks the woman, 'Does th...

What does a woman have to do to keep a man interested?Wear perfume that smells like beer....

What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?Lifting his legs so you can vacuum....

Did you hear that they are going to stop circumcising men?They discovered they were throwing away th...

You know you've been married too long when a "Quickie" before dinner now means a drink....

I think the only reason my husband likes to go fishing so much is that it's the only time he hears s...

What's the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary?Get married on his birthday....

Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain. Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!...

I was twelve before I realized I could cough without having a doctor hold my balls!...

Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?...

Yo mamma's so nasty, I was havin phone sex with her and I got an ear infection!...

I had skylights installed at my place the other day...the peoplethat live upstairs are really mad!...

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?Footprints in the butter!...

Ha ha ha,very funny Scottie....NOW BEAM DOWN MY CLOTHES!!...

What happens when you give Viagra to a Lawyer? He gets taller!...

Daffynition: Hummingbird- A bird who forgot the lines to a song!...

What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal? Lettuce alone!...

What do you call a dog with no back legs and steel testicles?SPARKY!!!...

What did Clinton say when commenting on Monica?She has the whitest teeth I've ever cum across....

If a month would be only 24 hrs long, we would get paid every day and women would bleed to death....

Q: Why did the Turtle cross the road? A: To get to the shell station....

What did the astronaut see in his skillet pan?An Unidentified Frying Object!...

Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?A: Because she has a frog in her throat at 69!...

It was so cold outside, I saw a politician that had his hands in hisOWN pockets....

What do you call a closet full of lesbians?A liquor cabinet....

Q. What did the snail say when he climbed onto the turtles back?A. WHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch....

What do you call a lesbian with long fingers?Well Hung....

Why did the baseball coach throw Cinderella off the team?Because she ran away from the ball....

Q: What do a tampon and an Old Southern Debutant have in common?A: They're both stuck up cunts!!...

Question: What's the biggest pencil in the World?Answer: Pennsylvania!...

Why is Chicago called the Windy City?Because the Bears blow!...

Why do they always lock the bathroom doors at gas stations?Are they afraid someone might clean them!...

What did the blonde say when she saw the YMCA sign??LOOK!!! They spelled MACY's wrong!!!!...

Q: Why are fish in the sea smarter than animals on land.A: Because they travel in schools....

Q: What does Hillary Clinton and Tampons have in common?A: "They are both stuck-up cunts!"...

Why did the Packers tear up the end zone after a Vikings Game?There was too much "Moss" in it!...

What do you call a prostitute covered in tattoos?The Scenic Root....

What the difference between a brunette and the trash? The trash gets taken out once a week!...

Be nice to your kids... they will pick out your nursing home someday!...

Another yamamma...Your mamma is so fat when god said let there be lighthe asked her to step out of t...

A blonde and a brunette are taking a walk, and the burnette goes, "Oh look, a dead bird," and the bl...

Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand...

Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio? It took her two weeks to figure out tha...