lawyer jokes

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?"

A person is in the hospital and asked his doctor how much time does he have left to live. The ...

|A judge, bored and frustrated by a lawyer's tedious arguments, had made numerous rulings to speed t...

Q: What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?A: Lipstick....

A stingy old lawyer who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong...

Q. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?

A. Cut the rope....

How do you get a lawyer down from a tree...? Cut the rope.....

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly started massaging the back ...

From 'Operating System Concepts, 3rd Edition' by A. Silbershatz, J.
Peterson, and P. Galv...

A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pear...

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bag of fertilizer?

One's a bag of cr...

A truck driver used to amuse himself by running over lawyers he would see walking down the side ...

A New York Divorce Lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have ...

Drunken Billy was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and...

A man and his alligator walk into a bar and the man asks, "Does this bar serve lawyers?"

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:
"My client merely ...

A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a witness, stopped and said: "I object, Yo...

Two lawyers are walking down the street and they see a beautiful woman
walking towards th...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the t...

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client mere...

A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to a fund for his fun...

A lawyer and the pope were both killed in an accident. The two were in line to see St. Peter at...

A doctor and a lawyer in two cars collided on a country road.

The lawyer, seeing that ...

A Jewish lawyer was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it.<...

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man wh...

The staff at a local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the t...

|The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " th...

The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, "...

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing the...

Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long
trial, the jury acqui...

|Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, "Oh...

Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, ...

Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel sta...

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together. St. Peter g...

(Heard this morning on Radio 4, the "Today" programme)

Question: What is 1 + 2 ? <...

A farmer asked a friend to recommend an attorney to defend him against a charge of bestiality.

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

...

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There...

One more Lincoln story that came to mind:

As a young lawyer, Lincoln was pleading a...

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The...

A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, ...

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:
1) Defending ...

A man in a bar stands up and proclaims, "All Lawyers are ASSHOLES!"

A man at the fron...

What do you get a lawyer for his birthday?



Briefs!! ha!ha!

...

Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?" Cl...

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla

the Hun, and a ...

What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom...

Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atillathe Hun, and a lawyer, and you h...

You are in a room with a mass murderer, a terrorist and a lawyer.

You have a gun...

Q: How do you save a drowning lawyer?

A: Throw him a rock.


Sc...