kids jokes

|What did the spider say when he broke his new web?Darn it!...

|Why did the sparrow go to the library?It was looking for bookworms!...

Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?

A: Put velcro on the ceiling...

How do you babysit a black kid?


Wet his lips and stick them to the wall

Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?
A: The bus driver stops ...

I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday, and I though...

Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:

Children Books You Won't Eever See....

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids...

Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:Children Books You Won't Eever See...1...You Are Dif...

|They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. R...

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

|What did one firefly say to the other?Got to glow now!...

|Where do hamsters come from?Hamsterdam!...

|What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off?I'll get you next slime!...

|Why did the spider buy a car?So he could take it out for a spin!...

My father heard the story of the Menendez brothers. He quit playing the lottery. He said "Screw ...

Two small children are peeking through their parents' slightly ajar, bedroom door, as one says t...

You think Hamlet is on the McDonald's breakfast menu.

Your kids are going hungry tonight ...

John: "I'm glad you named me John."Mother: "Why?"John: "Because that's what all the kids at school c...

"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut...

You might be a redneck if...
Your satellite dish payment delays buying school clothes ...

You might be a redneck if you let your 12 year old daughter smokes at the dinner table in front ...

A redneck returns to the doctors after having some tests and asks what the results were.The doctor e...

Q. What does a woman's asshole do when she is having an orgasm? A. He is usually home with the ...

You might be a redneck if...
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had t...

Q: How many ADD kids does it take to change a lightbulb?A: Wanna go ride bikes?...

You might be a redneck if...
You watch cartoons long after your kids get bored....

Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of kids...

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. Th...

Last year Mrs JimJr and I took separate vacations. I cleaned out the garage, while she straighte...

Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I though...

A redneck returns to the doctors after having some tests and asks what the results were.

You get up EARLY on Saturday to go yard sale shopping for entertainment.

Your gun cabinet...

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it...

Do you remember the Charlie Brown specials that taught valuable life lessons to a generation of ...

|Why were the flies playing football in saucer?They where playing for the cup!...

|What is the difference between a mosquito and a fly?Try sewing buttons on a mosquito!...

You might be a redneck if...
Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap....

You might be a redneck if...
You were shooting pool when your kids were born....

|What is green and brown, has four legs and can kill you if it falls out of a tree and lands on you?...

|Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves?Mickey Moose!...

Q: What goes TICK-TICK, WOOF-WOOF?A: A watchdog!Q: Why do male deer need braces?A: Because they have...

Q: Why are electric trains like a mother's breasts?

A: They were both designed for th...

What do toys and womens breasts have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, ...

Modem: What 'cha did to the hay fields.

Dot Matrix: Farmer Matrix's wife.

Lap Top:...

My favorite mail today was a long, white business envelope marked "Personal" in red, addressed t...

The doctor came out of the operating room to talk with the man's wife. "I don't like the looks o...

|What is green, sooty and whistles when it rubs its back legs together?Chimney Cricket!...

|What do you get if cross a mouse woth a packet of washing up powder?Bubble and squeak!...

|What do you call the English Toad Prize giving cermony?The Brit Awarts!...