kids jokes

You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"....

1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. You have to write post-i...

The father of five children won a toy at a raffle.
He called his kids together to ask which o...

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which ...

Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?A: Put velcro on the ceiling.Q: How do you ge...

Q: Did you hear about the Jewish Santa Claus? A: He comes down the chimney, wakes up the childr...

What do stupid kids do at Halloween? They carve a face on an apple and go bobbing for pumpkins....

Asked about his views on euthanasia, Clinton replied, "Youth in Asia are just like kids everywhe...

A couple of kids tried using pickles for a Ping-Pong game. They had the volley of the Dills....

I like to hang out around the playground, just watching the kids running and screaming. They don...

A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -- Marvin Kitman...

I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday and thought, Another year ...

Now that I'm older.....here's what I've discovered.....



I started out w...

You are so cheap . . .

When someone rang your doorbell, your kids had to yell, "ding ...

Q...What do you call children who are raised in those naughty houses of ill-repute?

...

What do women's breasts and toy cars have in common? They're meant for kids but dads end up p...

You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane. You walk into a st...

|What has four wheels and flies?A rubbish bin!...

|What is the most religious insect?A mosque-ito!...

|What is a myth?A female moth!...

|What do mice do when they're at home?Mousework!...

|Why do mice need oiling?Because they squeak!...

|How do frogs die?They kermit suidide!...

|What jumps up and down in front of a car?Froglights!...

|Why was the frog down in the mouth?He was un hoppy!...

|What do frogs drink?Hot croako!...

|What do you say if you meet a toad?Wart's new!...

|What was the snail doing on the highway?About one mile a day!...

|What does a spider do when he gets angry?He goes up the wall!...

|What did the spider say to the fly?We're getting married do you want to come to the webbing?...

|What did the spider say when he broke his new web?Darn it!...

|Why did the sparrow go to the library?It was looking for bookworms!...

Q: How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?

A: Put velcro on the ceiling...

How do you babysit a black kid?


Wet his lips and stick them to the wall

Q: What's the difference between Janet Reno and a school bus driver?
A: The bus driver stops ...

I woke up early feeling a little depressed because it was my birthday, and I though...

Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:

Children Books You Won't Eever See....

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids...

Children Books That Didn't Make It To The Press:Children Books You Won't Eever See...1...You Are Dif...

|They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. R...

Verbal: Able to whine in words

Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

|What did one firefly say to the other?Got to glow now!...

|Where do hamsters come from?Hamsterdam!...

|What did the slug say to the other who had hit him and run off?I'll get you next slime!...

|Why did the spider buy a car?So he could take it out for a spin!...

My father heard the story of the Menendez brothers. He quit playing the lottery. He said "Screw ...

Two small children are peeking through their parents' slightly ajar, bedroom door, as one says t...

You think Hamlet is on the McDonald's breakfast menu.

Your kids are going hungry tonight ...

John: "I'm glad you named me John."Mother: "Why?"John: "Because that's what all the kids at school c...

"Mommy, all the kids at school say I'm a werewolf! Is that true?" "No, of course not. Now shut...