general - unsorted jokes

The first is a cunning array of stunts!...

Grease her hips and push....

A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.
...

I recently noticed a similarity between my wife and M-TV.

They both get turned on ...

Q) What does a vibrator and soybeans have in common?




...

Did you know that the word "gullible" is not in most dictionaries?


-- Scott...

A: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snac...

What do the michigan wolverines and marijuana have in common? ...

You're so stupid you thought Puff Daddy was a brand of cigarettes....

A: Tiger Woods.

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yo momaso ugly when she was born they had to feed her with a sling shot...

You got any overdue library books? 'Cause you got fine written all over you!...

Is there a mirror in your pocket? Because I can definitely see myself in your pants tonight....

An eskimo in heat....

Palm Sunday....

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken...

Because if they migrated north they'd get too cold....

(From the author of "The Usenet Penis Length Survey")...

"Come on, Steve," one guy said to another at the gym, "your wife is not as bad as you say. What ...

Q. What do the TV shows 'Green Acres' and 'Roseanne' have in common?
A. A pig named Ar...

This joke was first told by a friend of mine, Dom Clark:

Q. How could you tell E.T...

Announce that you are taking pictures for the yearbook....

Why did God give Mexicans a nose?

So they'd have something to pick in the off season...

... a man doesn't know his wife until he marries. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHE...

Well, one you shuck between fits......

A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."


The next day he received a h...

...I want to go just like my grandfather - quiet and in my sleep. Not like those other blokes i...

What do you call four bull fighters in quicksand?
Quatro sinko.
...

His hand caught fire.
...

He was sent to blow up a car and burned his lips on the tailpipe....

Dear God,

Make me less intense.

I know you well, in fact i know you more than you know yours...

He won first prize for his dried arrangement....

Why was the bee flying around with his legs crossed? He couldn't find a BP station!...

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition....

What is the prudent thing to do when someone has an epileptic seizure in a hot tub?

...

What do you call a midget clairvoyant on the run?
A small medium at large!...

She offered her honor, He honored her offer, And so all night long,

it was on-her an...

Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Because he was stuck to the chicken's bottom....

Now watch closely, because I'm only going to do this once....

Say, "nice dick"...

A good day's hunting....

Wanna ride bikes?...

They both wondered where all those tomahawks were coming from....

Above the urinal, written on the wall:
Why are you looking up here? The joke is in your han...

Your Momma's so fat, the National Weather service had to label her body parts!...

Cadillacs seat six.

...

What did 1 strawberry say to another?



Answer, if you weren't so fresh y...

Uncomfortable, expensive and hard to get out of!...

If you have a lot of tension and you get headaches, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:
<...

Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?

A: A slot machine.
...