general - unsorted jokes

One day in the garden of Eden Adam says to God, " Lord I appreciate all that you have created he...

The ship was going down.

The captain and the crew were trying - in the middle of a ...

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN...
compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,

1. It's soft centred, not self centred

2. It's rich, smooth and irresistible, but it will neve...

A new employee at a large company walked up to a paper shredder and stood before it looking conf...

Several elderly nuns were in their second floor convent one night when a fire broke out.

The Vatican has finally bowed to the pressure from American clergy for reform.

A ne...

A hillbilly's old wife sent him to town to get something to rid the place of moths that had trou...

Tom and Jack are on an expedition to the center of Africa, when they are suddenly surrounded by ...

Tom and Jack are on an expedition to the center of Africa, when they are suddenly surrounded by ...

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his
dearly departed mother and started back toward...

It's legal to play hockey professionally.
The puck is always hard.
Protective equipm...

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing. One old lady turns to the othe...

Boss: Johnson, we giving you a promotion but you have to move to Montreal. Johnson: Montreal! "N...

We have a tree in our yard, terribly bothered by blight.



We sought prof...

The bride-to-be and her best friend were discussing the
former's impending wedding.

A mother complained to her doctor about her daughter's

strange eating habits.

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part...

"Jill," a teacher reprimanded the teenager in the hall, "do you mind telling me whose class you'...

A man escaped jail by digging a hole from his jail cell to the outside world. When finally his w...

10. Did you get any under the tree?
    
9. I think your balls are...

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.



2. In the memo field of all your ...

This is from the February 1991 Reader's Digest ("Laughter, the Best
Medicine"),

[Ed: This submitter put this in rot13, nobody knows why.]

Four high school boys (a...

Top 10 Halloween Things That Sound Dirty...



10. She's a goblin!

A couple returned from their honeymoon and it's obvious to everyone that they are not talking to...

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him asi...

1. I be God. Don' be dissin me.





2. Don' be ma...

Every parent occasionally has a disagreement with their kids. There is a brief moment when you c...

Bill Stains (noted folksinger and songwriter) tells this one:

Two mice are being ch...

The teacher put two baskets of treats on her desk, a basket of apples and a basket of cookies.

The teacher put two baskets of treats on her desk, a basket of apples and a basket of cookies. <...

Miss Ashley was new to teaching at the junior high school and decided to test the general knowle...

So this guy wants to go into a nightclub, but the bouncer says, "Sorry, bud,
you need a t...

[Another original piece of net.humor, from the people who
brought you "The Power Users Gu...

1) Wine her.
2) Dine her.
3) Call her.
4) Hug her.
5) Hold her.
6) Surpr...

Our beer, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, at...

A group of loud and rowdy drunks were making a racket in the street. It was the wee small hours ...

Three drunks show up at the local whorehouse and the madam realizes they are too drunk to be abl...

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was ...

'In English,' he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as R...

There was this mexican who was walking down a beach when he found a bottle that contained a geni...

I heard this at the Canadian Finals Rodeo...

It seems that Schick (sp?, a razor man...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
...

A man's house is on fire. He runs out of the house with his son and tells him to wait outside. T...

A guy goes to visit his grandmother and brings a buddy with him. While he's talking to his gran...

Lady goes to her gynecologist for pre-marital exam. Doc says, WOW! This is your fourth marriage,...

Two rednecks meet on a dusty country road. One of them is carrying a big bag labele...

A woman's husband comes home hammered every night
and she alwa...

The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret.