computing jokes

|Picky, picky, picky. They hear what you say, but not what you mean. Beauty is only shell deep. When...

The Three Laws of Secure Computing 1) Don't buy a computer. 2) If you do buy a computer, don...

According to Computing, quoting (of all things) Ladies Home Journal:

Bill Gates was...

CORPORATE DIRECTIVE NUMBER 88-570471

In order to increase the security of all company com...

|Don't you wish when life is badand things just don't compute,That all we really had to dowas stop a...

|Surfin' the NetSo I think I'm in the clearthe boss is no where in sightI logon to the web and start...

|An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not worki...

|The Net is SlowOh, the network outside is frightful,But on campus, it's so delightful,Our packets h...

|A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in.When she turns on the computer, the c...

|Each time you bought an ornament, you would have to buy a tree as well. You wouldn't have to take t...

|Dear Boss,I hope I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of thi...

|One of Microsoft's finest technicans was drafted and sent to boot camp. At the rifle range, he was ...

A woman went to her doctor for a followup visit after the doctor
had prescribed testoster...

|10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.9. He's won the Publisher's Cleari...

|10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.9. When was the last t...

|The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get t...

|10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.9. It's celebrity spokesman is that ...

|Top Ten Signs You Bought A Bad ComputerLower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it. ...

|99 little bugs in the code,99 bugs in the code,Fix one bug, compile it again,101 little bugs in the...

|An application was for employmentA program was a TV showA cursor used profanityA keyboard was a pia...

Signs Your Partner is - During foreplay, he's always double-clicking your G-spot. - His new compute...

|While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file...

You see a bumper sticker that says "Users are Losers" and you
have no idea it is referring...

|Top ten ways the Internet could get worse10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America O...

|10. New seats would require everyone to have the same body size.9. We'd all have to switch to Micro...

|10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisne...

Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer

When I worked for a company that h...

|Why are there so many, users of Windows?Don't people have any pride?Windows is useless, and designe...

THE TOUGHEST DECISION: SHOULD MY LOVED ONE BE PLACED IN AN ASSISTED COMPUTING FACILITY?

|SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash") I was working in the lab, late one nightWhen my ey...

|WRITE IN C (sung to The Beatles "Let it Be")When I find my code in tons of trouble,Friends and col...

|10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?"9. One Secret Service a...

|I work as a systems administrator, and part of m job involves answering questions about computers. ...

|The Information Highway BluesMy baby's got my 486. My cellular phone's on the blink. My fax's gone ...

|My computer broke down. It crashed and burned! And for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay bu...

(Forwards deleted to protect the innocent)

The following is from the business secti...

|From "Machine Design" Magazine......Byte BatAll too often, computers aren't up when you need them, ...

|You know you have been on the computer too long when...When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2...

|Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:1. A Particular model year of car wo...

|At the time of writing, Microsoft's slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" Thes...

|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most lik...

|In a recent contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a number...

An eagle was feeling rather horny, so he swooped down on a dove and
took it back to his n...

A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about computing. Being a sailor, he...

| Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They w...

|100 Buckets of Bits100 buckets of bits on the bus 100 buckets of bits Take one down, short it to gr...

|IBM: It's Being MendedIBM: Inmense Ball of MuckIBM: I Believe in MemorexIBM: It's Better than Macin...

|ADA: A Dumb ArrangementADA: A Dumb AcronymADA: A Dumb AnnoyanceBASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idioti...

|NewsflashMicrosoft today announced that it will be changing its name to "Moft" -- which will clear ...

|Log on - Adding a log to your wood stoveLog off - Don't add a log to your wood stoveMonitor - Keep ...