Comedian Jokes

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but i can't get my wife to go swimming!...

The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. ...

An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporari...

Have you ever seen Pop Idol? One point it was held at an esso gas station.This irishman came on to d...

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?-George Carlin...

My HMO is terrible. They charge me for a self-examination.It's a flat fee.-Wendy Liebman...

I once met a dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date butunfortun...

The IRS announced that obese Americans are entitled to certain tax breaks. Apparently, under the new...

I was in a good mood last week. I entered a competition and won a years supply of marmite.....one ja...

Having a dog is great, it's just the 'dog people' that freak me out. "Oh, look at her, she's preciou...

I knew this guy. He was a sound guy from Ireland.He spoke to me one day and told me he was going to ...

When i was a kid i used to pray for a new bike. But then I realised that the lord doesn't work that ...

I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.-Mitch Hedberg...

Do you ever get the vuja day feeling? Not deja vu. This is vuja day: the strange feeling that none o...

I had my appendix removed. There was nothing wrong with it, I just did it as a warning to the other ...

The IRS says they can't give back 80 million dollars in refunds because they don't have addresses fo...

eariler this week i went to the guy who inveted the hokey pokey's funeral. It was a weird funeral. F...

I never actually grapsed the whole "Trick or treat" ultimatum.Giving candy to grateful, adorable chi...