christmas jokes

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned al...

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can't get out !Who gives my cat his Christmas presents...

If Radio Shack ran Christmas...
The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything abo...

Q: What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time?
A: Sandy Claus!...

Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound ...

Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!...

Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!!...

If Apple ran Christmas...
It would do everything the Microsoft ornaments do, but years earlie...

If Radio Shack ran Christmas...
The staff would sell you ornaments, but not know anything abo...

Q. What does a black boy get for Christmas? A. Your Bike....

A mother was pleased with the card her son had made her for Christmas, but was puzzled as to the...

"Rejected Holiday Specials"

As presented on the 12/10/96 broadcast of LATE SHOW with D...

Here's a money saving tip for Christmas: Glue Ju Ju Bee on a Brick and mail it out as a fruitcake!-J...

If Timex ran Christmas...
The holiday would be cheap, small, quartz-crystal driven, and would...

When is Jewish Christmas?

- It's
When is Jewish Christmas?

Why are sheep always in a field? Because they can't get out !



Who give...

If Fisher Price ran Christmas...
"Baby's First Ornament" would have a hand-crank that you tur...

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner,"What are you charge...

Q: If Santa doesn't have to age, then why has he become old?

A: He only appears to be ...

|Ten signs you're not getting a christmas bonus10. Co-workers refer to you as "the ghost of unemploy...

The first day after Christmas, my true love and I had a fight
and so I chopped the pear tree ...

For the first bug of Christmas, my manager said to me

See if they can do it again.

Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates wait...

Q: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
...

If the NSA ran Christmas...
Your ornaments would have a secret trap door that only the NSA co...

Hark the bar room voices sing

Out of tune and everything

Christmas time and ...

Sent to me by a Guamanian friend ...

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM GUAM

Tis the...

If Hewlett-Packard ran Christmas...
They would market the Reverse Polish Ornament, which is p...

15. "Miracle and a Quickie on 42nd Street -- A Times Square Christmas"

14. Spike Lee'...

People have wondered from time to time the reason for an angel on the top
of the Christma...

Democrats' favorite Christmas movie is "Miracle on 34th Street." Republicans' favorite Christm...

Borrowed without permission from Jeff Foxworthy's Christmas song:


On the 12t...

15. "Miracle and a Quickie on 42nd Street -- A Times Square Christmas"

14. Spike Lee'...

Who made this Christmas pudding? Our chef. He's a little green man who lives in a toadstool. Wha...

What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas? Fo...

I remember when Father Christmas first passed his sleigh-driving test. He came skidding down in ...

Elf: My favourite film is about the man who casts spells in the middle of a swamp. Father Chris...

If Cray ran Christmas...
The holiday season would cost $16 million but would be celebrated fa...

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid because I believed in Santa Clause. Unfortunately, so did m...

I think the real miracle of Christmasis how I get through it each year without killing my relatives!...

What's Father Christmas called when he takes a rest while delivering presents ? Santa pause !...

I wouldn't say Christmas gnomes are ugly, But if beauty's skin deep then they were was born in...

Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to ...

Q: What do the female reindeers do when the male reindeers go out with Santa on Christmas Eve?

I've had a slight accident with your sleigh, Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sl...

Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank. Why did he do tha...

Who sings "Love me tender", and makes Christmas toys? Santa's little Elvis....

It was Christmas eve, and Santa was really busy making his list and checking it twice, when th...

Father Christmas: All right, my good lady, my face is my ticket. Box office attendant: Then you'd...

Once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a kitten for Christmas. Her mother couldn't ...