business jokes

If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break....

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickles in the machine....

The trouble with doing right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was!...

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died....

Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3, not even for large values of 2....

If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong....

The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to expl...

The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output....

There is no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation....

I once worked as a salesman and was very independent; I took orders from no one....

Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code....

According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exist....

Nothing puzzles me more than time and space; and yet nothing troubles me less....

Only those who attempt the absurd can acheive the impossible....

When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally....

If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - Harry S. Truman...

He who walks in another's tracks leaves no footprints....

Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes....

If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault....

If we learn by our mistakes, some of us are getting one great education!...

Anything that doesn't eat you today is saving you for tomorrow....

The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work....

On a beautiful day like this, it's hard to believe anybody can be unhappy; but we will work on i...

When a lie fails, the truth saves what remained....

Beware the man of one book. - St. Thomas Aquinas...

There has been an alarming increase in the number of things you know nothing about....

If you cannot dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with lies....

Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his j...

A computer programmer, bored with his job, decided to start his own business. Wanting to do some...

Full page ad brought back from a recent trip, taken from the British
paper The Times (Feb...

Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior ...

"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day an...

Flugg's Law: When you need to knock on wood is when you realize that the world is composed of v...

HOW TO ADDRESS A NON SEXIST BUSINESS LETTER
By Andrew Berman


Let us lo...

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going...

486 - The average IQ needed to understand a P.C. state - of - the - art computer you can't affor...

When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he coul...

Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - ...

A: None: 'Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

A': None of your damn business!
...

The two greatest causes of system failures are sysadmins and users. If you can keep both of the...

Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability ...

Is there big money in the cattle business? So I've herd!...

No matter which way you go, it's always uphill and against the wind....

Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked....

The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change....

I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which when you looked at it in the right way...

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today. There might be a law against it by that time...

Never try to pacify someone at the height of his rage....

He who dies with the most toys is still dead....

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth....