animal jokes

Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?

A. Several. Ten litt...

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the prog...

Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?"
A: He was studying foreign la...

Why do elephants live in herds?To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles....

What are 3 problems about being an egg?You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your faceis ...

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? 'Don't go over the road till ...

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!...

What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear ...

What Is The Fastest Sea Animal On the Earth?


A cuban Swimming Away From The C...

Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
So they don't crap on the street dur...

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.

He sidles up to the bar and ...

Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot ...

What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?

...

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to ...

How do you get four elephants into a Mini?Two in the front, two in the back....

You know why a dog licks his ass?Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face....

What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!...

What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ? An animal that puts you out a night !...

Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !...

How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !...

Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet ? It lives on ice !...

What do polar bears have for lunch ? Ice burger !...

What do tigers wear in bed ? Stripey pyjamas !...

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a dinosaur? A stinkasaurus!...

How can you tell when a skunk is angry? It raises a stink!...

What did the baby skunk want to be when he grew up? A big stinker!...

What do you call a flying skunk? A smellicopter!...

What do reindeer say before telling you a joke ? This one will sleigh you !...

Why is a reindeer like a gossip ? Because they are both tail bearers !...

What do you call the reindeer with one eye higher than the other? Isaiah!...

What do you do when two snails have a fight? Leave them to slug it out....

Why did the dolphin feel crabby? Because he ate too many crabs!...

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ? He prawned everything !...

What did the baby dolphin do when he didn't get his way? He whale-d...

What does an octopus take on a camping trip? Tentacles!...

What does a squid sheriff form? An octoposse!...

What's an octopuses favourite latin saying? Squid pro quo!...

What is the most famous shark? William Sharkspeare!...

If a hungry shark is after you, what should you feed it? Jawbreakers!...

Why did the whale cross the road ? To get to the other tide !...

What's at the end of Moby Dick? A whale of a time!...

What do you get if you cross an eel with a shopper? A slippery customer....

Q: What did the duck say when he got hit by a boat in the lake

A: Quack. What did...

A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone....

Q. If there's H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant, what's on the outside?A. K9...

What is the difference between a pitbull dog and a PMS woman?



Lipstick....

What do you call 3 blondes under a Christmas tree?

Ho-Ho-Ho!...

What is the last thing to go through a bug's mind when it hits ...

What do JFK Jr. and a penguin have in common?
They're both cute as hell an...

Q: What does a chicken say when there is a fire in his coop?

A: "Where's the egg-...