animal jokes

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?

"Decafinated"...

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter, he's not goin...

How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?

...Three in front and three in back...

What did the elephant say to the naked man? ''It's nice, but can it pick up...

What's the national language of India?
C++....

Q. What kind of bees make the best milk? A. Boo-bees!...

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record....

How many blondes does it take to milk a cow? Five -- one to hold the udder, an...

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens....

Why was Tigger lickin' the toilet?
Cause he was lookin' for Pooh!...

Why'd the chicken cross the road? To show the blonde how!...

Whats the world weakest animal ? A toad, he croaks if you even touch him !...

My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really...

Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !...

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !...

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !...

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven!...

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!...

What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk....

What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish....

Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws? It costs an arm and a leg to eat ...

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ? A hermit crab !...

What happened to the lizard in the wizard's garden pond? He had him newt-ered....

What purrs along the road and leaves holes in the lawn? A Moles Royce....

A man walks into a bar with a sandwich on his shoulder.
The bartender turns, looks at him...

Why did the farmer sell his frog leg ranch?
He found out it was a 'rough toad to hoe.'...

What happened to the blind skunk? He fell in love with a fart....

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says ''Look at that dog with on...

Q: What did did the mother duck say to the little duck.
A: If you don't b...

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. The bartender says, "May I help you, sir?"

Q. How many animals can you get into one pair of pantyhose?

A. Several. Ten litt...

Once a programmer drowned in the sea. Many Marines where at that time on the beach, but the prog...

Q: Why did the chicken say, "Meow, oink, bow-wow, and moo?"
A: He was studying foreign la...

Why do elephants live in herds?To get a wholesale reduction on the shoes with yellow soles....

What are 3 problems about being an egg?You only get laid once, the only woman to sit on your faceis ...

What did the lions say to his cubs when he taught them to hunt ? 'Don't go over the road till ...

What happened to the skunk who failed his swimming lesson? He stank to the bottom of the pool!...

What would you get if you crossed a grizzly with the world's greatest basketball player? Bear ...

What Is The Fastest Sea Animal On the Earth?


A cuban Swimming Away From The C...

Why did God give blondes 2% more brains than horses?
So they don't crap on the street dur...

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.

He sidles up to the bar and ...

Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot ...

What do you call a trash bag full of mutilated laboratory monkeys?

...

Why do blondes wear big hoop earrings when they go on a date?
So they have some place to ...

How do you get four elephants into a Mini?Two in the front, two in the back....

You know why a dog licks his ass?Because he knows in five minutes he'll be licking your face....

What do you call a gigantic polar bear? Nothing, you just run away!...

What do you get if you cross a cat and a gorilla ? An animal that puts you out a night !...

Why do bears have fur coats ? Because they'd look stupid in anoraks !...

How do you hire a teddy bear? Put him on stilts !...