animal jokes

What did Cinderella Dolphin where to the ball? Glass flippers!...

Who held the baby octopus to ransom ? Squidnappers !...

Who robs banks and squirts ink? Billy the Squid....

Why did the jellyfish's wife leave him? He stung her into action....

What does an octopus wear on a cold day? A coat of arms!...

Who was the most famous pirate octopus? Captain Squid!...

What's the favourite flavour of sharks? Shark-o-late!...

Why did a gambler scare everyone out swimming? He was a card shark!...

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ? Whale of fortune !...

What is a whale's favorite TV show? Flukes of Hazard!...

What kind of whale flies? Pilot whales!...

What do you get if you cross a bottle of water with an electric eel? A bit of a shock really!...

Why was the young kangaroo thrown out by his mother? For smoking in bed....

What are the most athletic rodents? Track and field mice....

Q: What did the emu say to the nurse? A: Mend her bones or walk the plank...

What do you give a deer with an upset stomach? Elkaseltzer....

Q. What did the snail say when he hitched a ride on the turtle? A. Wheeeee!!!!!...

Why can't dogs use computers?

Because you can't stick your head out of Windows 95...

Why don't anteaters ever get sick?

Because they're all full of anty bodies...

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever see...

A: Look at the orange mama laid....

q. What happened to the mouse when it crawled up the lady's leg?

a. Her pussy got...

Q: Why did they let the turkey join the band? A: Because he had his own drums...

What did the lion say when he saw two hunters in a jeep?

Meals on Wheels!...

What do you call lice on a bald man's head? Homeless....

Why did the mirror have 6 holes in it?
A blonde tried to shoot herself!
...

What do you call a donkey with three legs?

A wonkey!...

What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How the hell do you breath out of that thing?...

Yo mama so fat that when she wore high heels, she struck oil....

How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have YOU ever seen a rabbit with ...

What do you call a mother cow that lost her calf?

"Decafinated"...

Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: It doesn't matter, he's not goin...

How do you put six elephants in a Volkswagen?

...Three in front and three in back...

What did the elephant say to the naked man? ''It's nice, but can it pick up...

What's the national language of India?
C++....

Q. What kind of bees make the best milk? A. Boo-bees!...

Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water? He set a new lap record....

How many blondes does it take to milk a cow? Five -- one to hold the udder, an...

Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens....

Why was Tigger lickin' the toilet?
Cause he was lookin' for Pooh!...

Why'd the chicken cross the road? To show the blonde how!...

Whats the world weakest animal ? A toad, he croaks if you even touch him !...

My dog likes to sit down each evening and surf the Net. What an intelligent animal! Not really...

Why do polo bears like bald men ? Because they have a great, white, bear place !...

What flies around your light at night and can bite off your head ? A tiger moth !...

What powerful reptile is found in the Sydney opera house ? The Lizard of Oz !...

What do you get if you cross a skunk and a balloon? A creature that stinks to high heaven!...

What do you get if you cross a skunk and an owl? A bird that stinks but doesn't give a hoot!...

What's black and white, stinks and hangs from a line? A drip dry skunk....

What is slimy and wobbly, tastes of raspberry and lives in the seas? A red jellyfish....